A Hobbit On The Roof
by Britt Davis
Summary: Fiddler on the Roof meets LOTR...song parodies!
1. We're Hobbits!

Disclaimer: I own squat, nothing, zippo, zilch, nada. (tear)

Author Note: This is a parody of Fiddler on the Roof. I've seen that movie a few too many times! I'm doin da whole musical….or at least all the songs. Please REVIEW!!

We're Hobbits

Scene opens in front of Bag End. There is a hobbit sitting on the roof playing the violin. The camera pans over to where we see Frodo standing there looking at the hobbit.

Frodo: A hobbit on the roof sounds crazy no? But in our little town of the Shire you could say we are all like a Hobbit on the roof. Trying to go on a simple, pleasant quest, without breaking our necks. Why do we do it? Well, the quest is important. How do we keep our balance? That I can answer in one word. We're Hobbits! (Music to "Tradition starts)

Frodo: Who day and night must bear the stupid rung thing, fight off all the orc things, deal with gay old Sam? And who has the right as bearer of the ring to have the final word on trips? It's Frodo, It's Frodo. We're Hobbits! It's Frodo, It's Frodo. We're Hobbits!

Sam: Who must know the way to keep the pony fed, his own face fed, Frodo fed. Who must pack the stuff including rope. So Frodo's free to fight the stupid orcs. It's Sam, It's Sam. We're Hobbits. It's Sam, It's Sam. We're Hobbits. 

Pippin: At Three I started First breakfast, at ten I started second. I hear they've got a quest for me, I hope there's food! It's Pippin, It's Pippin. We're Hobbits! It's Pippin, It's Pippin. We're Hobbits!

Merry: And who has a girl's name, and must try to keep Pippin tame? And do this all the time, While guzzling pints of wine? It's Merry, It's Merry. We're Hobbits! It's Merry, It's Merry. We're Hobbits!

Frodo: Without being hobbits, our lives would be as shaky as….as a hobbit on the roof! (screen zooms to the violin playing Hobbit who goes into a long musical solo…you know the one)

Author Note: Hi again! Hope you like'd that I had fun! FYI the rope thing with Sam is from the book….he keeps trying to pack the supplies and thinks he forgot rope and needs it later.Anyway…REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	2. Questmaker

Disclaimer: I own nothing! Wa.

Author Note: I hope you like dis…..Thanks to my friends PL Jane, and Alli….they have written some of what is before you today. Maybe that's good…maybe that's bad. Just review por favor. 

Questmaker

Frodo: Questmaker, Questmaker, make me a quest, I'll try real hard, I'll do my best. I need to get out of this place, just let it not be to fast a pace. 

Sam: Questmaker, Questmaker, I'll bring the ring, you bring the quest, mission, thing! Bring me a quest for I'm longing to go on a journey like a King! 

Both:For Bilbo, make it a story, for Pippin let there be food. For me, well I wouldn't holler, if it's a quest where I won't get screwed!

Questmaker, Questmaker, make me a quest, give me one mission that I won't detest. Night after night I am scared and alone so bring me a quest of my own. 

For Bilbo, make it a story, for Pippin let there be food. For me, well I wouldn't holler, if it's a quest where I won't get screwed! 

Gandalf: Since when are you interested in a quest Frodo? (Sam snickers) And you have your eye on your garden. 

Elrond: Frodo, oh Frodo, have I got a quest for you! It's difficult, it's long, all right it's not just you. But it's a good quest, a worthy quest. True, true? I promise you'll live through it, and even if you don't, there's more to a quest than that, don't' ask me what!

Samwise! I've found it! Won't you be a luck gye! You'll go with Frodo on his journey drawing nigh. So it's a good quest, a perfect quest, right, right! You've heard that he's got problems, he'll be annoying every night! But only when he's sane, so you're all right!

Elrond: Did you think you'd get through alive?

Frodo: Well I'll do the best I can.

Elrond: With no sane friends, no pony, no sword in your pack? Be glad if you even get back!

(Musical interlude) 

Frodo: Questmaker, Questmaker, you know that I'm still very young, please take your time! Up to this minute I've misunderstood that I could get killed for good! 

Sam: Questmaker, Questmaker make me no quest. I don't want to try hard, maybe I've learned that playing with questies a gye can get killed. So bring me no ring.

Frodo: Groom me no pony!

Sam: Find me no mission!

Frodo: Make me no quest

Both: Unless it's like Bilbo's quest!

Author's Note: Hey…hope you aren't scared for life! I feal so much better now that this is not running through my head! PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	3. If I Weren't A Hobbit

Disclaimer: I own squat. Waaa.

Author Note: Hey people, here is the next chapter. It's to If I Were A Rich Man, for those who can't tell. I know it's strange…it's supposed to be, and It's not my best work. This is one of the hardest songs to do. I'm sorry this took so long, you can't rush a genius you know! (j/k)

If I Weren't A Hobbit

Frodo: If I weren't a hobbit, didle deedile didle digga digga dum. For once in my life I'd be really tall. If I weren't a Hobbit man! Oy! I wouldn't be so short now, didle deedile digga digga dum. If I were a berry berry tall iddle diddle diddle didle man. 

I'd build a big tall house for once I could fit in, right in the middle of the town. A fine tall roof with the floors far below. And there'd be one long staircase just going up and one even longer coming down and one high above their heads, just for show! I'd fill my yard with chicks and turkeys and geese and ducks for the town to see and hear. And each loud bceek, bagawk, begag, begua would land like a trumpet on the ear, as if to say here lives a tall, tall man. (Sighs) 

If I weren't a hobbit, didle deedile didle digga digga dum. For once in my life I'd be really tall. If I weren't a Hobbit man! Oy! I wouldn't be so short now, didle deedile digga digga dum. If I were a berry berry tall iddle diddle diddle didle man.

I'd see my Sam my gardener looking like a tall man's friend, a proper foot below! I'd see him trimming up trees and looking like a short man, oh what a happy mood I'm in! Eating food and drinking day and night! The most important men in town would come to fawn on me. "If you please Frodo Baggins, Pardon me Frodo Baggins!" Causing problems that would cross a hobbit's eyes! And it won't make one bit of difference, if I answer right or wrong, if your tall they think you really know! 

If I weren't a hobbit, didle deedile didle digga digga dum. For once in my life I'd be really tall. If I weren't a Hobbit man! Oy! I wouldn't be so short now, didle deedile digga digga dum. If I were a berry berry tall iddle diddle diddle didle man.!

If I were tall I'd have the high that I lack to sit in tall trees all day and maybe have a seat in the real big oak. And I'd discuss the joys of being tall every hour of the day, and that would be the sweetest thing of all! (Sighs) 

If I weren't a hobbit, didle deedile didle digga digga dum. For once in my life I'd be really tall. If I weren't a Hobbit man! Oy! I wouldn't be so short now, didle deedile digga digga dum. If I were a berry berry tall iddle diddle diddle didle man!

Tolken you made the wizzard and the dwarf, you decreed that I should be so short! But would it spoil this funny story's point, if I weren't a hobbit man! 

Author Note: Ok then! I really like the ending, nut that's just me…..if you like it REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!! OH and I think that LOTR is a funny story, thus the ending. 


	4. Far From the Hole I Love

Disclaimer: We all get it, I don't own anything but the obsession  
Author Note: I know, I haven't posted anything on this story in a long  
time, but I read got a review that said I should do this song and was  
slapped by the inspiration salmon. I did this in like 5 minutes or less.  
Thanks soooooo much to DragonSinger06 who gave me that review, YOU ROCK!  
R&R, now you know why!  
Oh come on, you know the scene. Frodo and Sam are standing in a corn field  
and Sam stops, saying "Another step and this is the farthest away form home  
I've ever been"  
Suddenly Frodo bursts into song. He sings  
How can I hope to make you understand why I do  
What I do  
Why I must travel to a distant land,  
Far from the hole I love  
Once I was happily content to eat  
As every Hobbit does, where I was  
Close to the hobbits that are close to me *smiles at Sam*  
Here in the hole I love  
Who could see that a ring would come  
That would change my fate and such things  
Helpless now I stand right here  
Watching the Shire disappear  
Oh what a melancholy choice this is,  
Wanting home, doing this  
Closing my heart to every fate but this  
Leaving the hole I love  
There where my fate was settled long ago  
I must go, I must go  
Who could imagine I'd be questing so far from the hole I love?  
Yet, when the quest's done,  
I'm home 


End file.
